What’s this?... a map quest?... Well, no... it’s a quest to determine if we have boundaries or none at all. But before I continue, let’s define boundaries... according to Webster, a boundary is “a line that marks the limits of an area.” In this case, the area is a person, you or me or someone else.
Sometimes we get confused about boundaries because we forget where we end and another person starts. This would be when there are no boundaries because we are all meshed together with the other. When and why does this happen? It primarily happens when we want to be accepted, liked, loved by the other, and in our zeal for wanting that acceptance or approval, we open so much that we completely forget about what we as individuals want and need because we’re so busy trying to get the other’s approval.
When this happens, we lose our sense of self, we allow other people to impose themselves onto our space, and we wind up feeling out of control of our lives. Then we start feeling resentful, irritated, angry and defensive, while not having the awareness or skill to speak up about what’s happening inside of us.
Some people experience the other extreme where they have so many boundaries that they’re walled up like Fort Knox. They’ve been so hurt that they put up impenetrable walls that are extremely difficult to get close to the person. What they’re doing is trying to protect themselves from getting hurt again. And the strategy works at first, but fails miserably when the person realizes the very thing they want...that is to be loved and accepted...they’ve made impossible because of their extreme boundaries that come from their fears. So they remain alone.
Hmmm... What’s a person to do? What we need here is BALANCE... to be able to have healthy boundaries so that we can know what we need and want as individuals AND to give ourselves space to not be constantly infringed upon by others, WHILE being able to both navigate and articulate our needs. That, my friends, requires a STRATEGY... one that comes from experience and skill... and that’s exactly what I’m teaching my clients!
If you’re struggling with boundaries and you’ve lost your sense of self or you’re overcome with fear from trying to defend yourself from attack, then send me a PM HERE to book a call so we can see about bringing balance and health into your life.
You matter. You are important. You deserve to feel happy and be loved. ❤️
Free gift for you!