Have you ever encountered people who seem to often cancel meetups or altogether just not show up? Perhaps they agree to be present and without any communication they disappear like a ghost? I used to get upset when that happened, either mildly irritated and disappointed or deeply hurt and sad, depending on the level of connection I had with the other.
Over time, I have practiced using EVERYTHING in my experience to learn things about myself and others. First, I realized that whatever the other is doing or not doing, is a reflection of THEIR OWN internal experience, not of mine. For example, if someone is unreliable, untrustworthy, not present, that’s because they are unable at this time to be present, reliable and trustworthy with parts of themselves! They are going through THEIR process, learning and growing at whatever pace in whatever way they choose. I can choose to RESPECT their journey and process.
Along with respecting and acknowledging the other’s process, I can be AWARE that whatever they are doing or not doing with me is ALSO a reflection of something IN ME that wants my love and attention. So if they abandon me, the part of me that is afraid of being abandoned wants my presence. If the other is not reliable and trustworthy, there are parts of myself asking for MY PRESENCE, wanting to TRUST and RELY on ME to be there for them. This is VALUABLE information!
Instead of BLAMING, COMPLAINING, ACCUSING the other, which is merely my way of PUSHING AWAY these feelings I have about the situation, I can realize there’s nothing WRONG here and NO ONE to blame. I and the other created that situation expressly to give us opportunities to find out WHAT IN US WANTS OUR LOVE AND ATTENTION.
When I begin flowing in this new way, I stop the TUG OF WAR with the other, constantly expecting the other to give me what I need and want. I can give it to myself! I can offer myself PRESENCE. I can let these parts of myself, my Sadness, my Disappointment, my Fear, KNOW I will always be there for them. They can TRUST and RELY on me. I have my OWN BACK! This is how we EMBODY the UNCONDITIONAL LOVE that we are. This is how we create exciting new realities and relationships. This is how we create a new earth.