Reflections on a Mother’s Love for Her Son

In 2014, my son, Cory Roussel, passed from this life into the next, leaving an unfillable void in our hearts and plunging our family into a new existence shaped by grief and longing.

 Yet, even in the depths of sorrow, I am reminded of the boundless love we shared, a love that neither time nor loss can ever erase.

 One of the most powerful expressions of this love unfolded during a chapter of Cory’s life that was marked by struggle and transformation.

 He had been incarcerated in downtown San Diego after his probation was revoked due to a charge of transporting an illegal immigrant across the border.

 It was a time that could have easily consumed him, but instead, it became a period of remarkable change—one that reshaped both him and me in ways I could never have foreseen.

 Before his return to prison, Cory carried a heavy burden—anger, frustration, and deep-seated resentment toward a probation system he believed had failed him.

 These emotions clouded his world, casting a shadow over our interactions.

 The weight of his pain was evident, and as his mother, I grieved for the son I longed to reach but often felt powerless to comfort.

 Then, something extraordinary happened.

 Just before his probation was revoked, Cory experienced what can only be described as a supernatural awakening—an unshakable courage to forgive.

 It was as if a Divine light had pierced through the darkness, granting him the ability to release the hatred he had carried for so long.

 With that release came an inner peace, a newfound purpose.

 He embarked on his prison sentence not as a man imprisoned by his circumstances, but as one liberated by grace.

 During his time behind bars, Cory wrote letters—countless letters—to friends, family, and even strangers, sharing the freedom he had found within himself.

 It was as if, in losing his physical freedom, he had gained something far greater—a soul untethered by resentment, a heart wide open to love.

 His words turned my world upside down, forcing me to see life through a new lens, one of forgiveness and unshakable faith.

 Eight months into his sentence, my birthday approached.

 I knew exactly what I wanted—a chance to be with my son.

 Because of strict prison regulations, I was granted only two brief visits, two hours each, on consecutive days.

 When Friday arrived, I made my way to the high-rise prison in downtown San Diego, my heart pounding with anticipation.

 Upon entering the visitation room, I was allowed to embrace him once—just one fleeting moment of contact before we were seated across from each other in cold white plastic chairs, separated by an invisible yet palpable barrier.

 But then, he locked eyes with mine.

 For two hours, Cory held my gaze with an intensity I had never known before.

 There, in the sterile confines of a prison visitation room, my son allowed me to see him—not just the man he was in that moment, but his truest self.

 He had stripped away all pretense, all pain, all fear.

 What remained was pure, unfiltered love radiating from his eyes, a love so fierce and unwavering it took my breath away.

 It was a revelation of Love.

On Sunday, unable to visit him in person, Cory made a simple yet profound request.

 He told me to go to the park across the street from the prison at precisely three o’clock.

 From his cell on the fifteenth floor, he would stand at the window, and I was to look up.

 As I prepared to go, I wanted to find a way to send him a message—a tangible symbol of my love.

 I thought about making a sign, but I knew he wouldn’t be able to read it from such a distance.

 Then an idea struck me. I tore a large heart out of aluminum foil, its reflective surface shimmering in the light.

 At exactly three o’clock, I stood in the park, heart pounding, eyes squinting against the bright sky as I searched for him.

 And then—I saw him.

 Fifteen stories above me, behind a thick pane of glass, was my son, waving wildly, his arms flailing with joyful abandon.

 In his hands, he held a mirror, tilting it back and forth, catching the sunlight and sending brilliant flashes of light down to where I stood.

 I held my foil heart high, letting it glisten in the afternoon sun, reflecting my love back to him.

 For fifteen minutes, we stood there—mother and son—separated by distance, by walls, by circumstance, yet connected in a way that transcended it all.

 He sent his light to me; I sent mine to him.

 In that moment, nothing else existed.

 No prison bars, no past regrets, no sorrow—only Love.

 Pure, boundless, eternal love.

 That day changed me.

 Cory’s love transformed me, just as it transformed him.

 Even now, though he is no longer in this world, his light continues to shine within me, guiding me forward.

 I love you, Cory. Always.

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Join Our Free Support Group for Bereaved Parents

You are not alone. I invite you to join our free support group, where you can connect with other bereaved parents who understand your pain. Together, we can foster healing, share resources, and create a supportive community.

Click HERE to sign up.

_________________________________

In addition, I’ve developed a comprehensive support document filled with valuable information to assist you as you navigate this healing process. You can access Healing Hearts Support Document HERE.

___________________________________

Today, ten years after Cory’s passing, I want to offer others what I wished had been available to me. I have developed a one-on-one support offering to assist bereaved parents in their healing journey and to help them connect with their departed child.

If this resonates with you, let’s have a chat to explore whether this is the right fit for you.

Learn more and connect with me HERE.

I am here to serve you with compassion and understanding.

Subscribe to this blog by clicking the link below:

Cory’s Hammock: A Journey Through Grief and Love

Acceptance comes in stages, and my journey through grief has been a winding path, filled with unexpected moments of joy and sorrow.

When my son Cory passed away, I found myself thrust into the depths of despair.

Yet, in the midst of this profound trauma, I discovered the gift of acceptance—though it was only the beginning.

One pivotal experience on this journey was centered around Cory’s beloved hammock.

During his last year with us, Cory had invested in a camping hammock, a vibrant piece of fabric that became his sanctuary—a place to relax, unwind, and connect with nature.

I remember vividly the day he called me while lounging in it, suspended beneath a bridge, twenty feet above the shimmering water.

The sound of laughter danced in his voice as he shared his adventurous spirit with me.

But that laughter was abruptly interrupted by the distant blare of a foghorn.

“I’ve got to call you back,” he said, his tone shifting.

Moments later, I learned that the police had spotted him and were warning him about the dangers of his precarious perch.

Later that week, he stumbled upon a sign announcing the prohibition of hammocks along the bridge.

Curious, he approached a nearby officer and inquired about it.

“There was this crazy guy hanging under the bridge last week. We can’t have people doing that. It’s dangerous,” the officer replied, shaking his head.

With a twinkle in his eye, Cory simply smiled and said, “That crazy guy was me!”

Beyond his escapades, Cory cherished that hammock for its comforting embrace while camping in the Greenbelt of Austin.

After he transitioned, I felt an overwhelming urge to reclaim a piece of him.

I hung the hammock in my backyard, eager to feel his spirit enveloping me, a part of my healing process.

As time passed, we built a swing from one of the trees where the hammock rested.

In our enthusiasm, we took down one end of the hammock to make room for the swing, leaving it to languish on the ground for several months.

One day, I decided to rehang it, only to find it riddled with holes, devoured by bugs.

My heart sank; the sight of the once-vibrant fabric now tattered, filled me with disappointment.

Coincidentally, a dear friend visiting from out of town offered to help.

She suggested sewing patches over the holes, using fabric from a polyester bodysuit that Cory had cherished.

As she took the hammock with her, she carried not just the fabric but also stories of Cory, sharing anecdotes with everyone she encountered while meticulously stitching patches.

A few weeks later, a package arrived at my doorstep.

Inside was the beautifully repaired hammock, accompanied by a poignant poem entitled “Patching Holes in a Universe.”

“Patching Holes in a Universe.”

By Jitana Alba

 Where a seemingly quaint little mend project

Illustrates the concepts of worlds

Weave from a single thread

Needle in hand

I’ve spent lifetimes as

a heart surgeon

a deep sea diver

a modest handyman

a conductor of a symphony

Playing the stories of varied

wondrous souls

Manifest as ever morphing

Collections of matter     air     fire

Common conclusions have drawn

Times deciding within a human

set of constructions

Patching the Universe

            impassive     improbable

                        just plain silly

Yet, who would I be to deem the worth

Of any great mysterious task

            present to this awareness

Which may indeed involve

            aspects of this self yet undiscovered

Intricately woven into the wrinkles

Of a time I have yet to know

with a logical linear mind
I dare not constrain

the exquisiteness

Opportunity to play and dance

as Divinity with all things

To hear a perfect picture

            as a partial part

of pure presence

Work is progress

            done and undone

                        in every moment

Invite to imagine

            imagination as iteration

Of innumerable realities

            inclined to inspire fruition

Patching holes in a universe

            energy ignites in passion

                        for pure poetic purpose

                                    in perfect placement

¡Voila!

My heart swelled with gratitude as I visualized the love and effort woven into each patch.

That evening, I headed to a nearby lake, excitement bubbling within me as I prepared to hang the hammock at sunset.

As I wrapped the cord around the tree trunks, anticipation coursed through my veins.

Finally, I plopped down into the hammock—only to hear a resounding “kerplunk!” as I fell straight to the ground!

I hadn’t realized that it wasn’t just the holes that had caused the issue; the entire hammock was dry-rotted!

In that moment of unexpected hilarity, I found solace.

The laughter mingled with my tears, reminding me that acceptance doesn’t mean letting go of the past; it means finding joy in the memories, even when they come wrapped in absurdity.

The hammock may have been beyond repair, but the love it symbolized remained intact.

It became a comical reminder of my journey through grief—a journey that, though painful, had moments of lightness and connection, leading me closer to acceptance of Cory's absence and the beautiful memories we shared.

_____________________________________

 Join Our Free Support Group for Bereaved Parents

You are not alone. I invite you to join our free support group, where you can connect with other bereaved parents who understand your pain. Together, we can foster healing, share resources, and create a supportive community.

Click HERE to sign up.

_________________________________

In addition, I’ve developed a comprehensive support document filled with valuable information to assist you as you navigate this healing process. You can access Healing Hearts Support Document HERE.

___________________________________

Today, ten years after Cory’s passing, I want to offer others what I wished had been available to me. I have developed a one-on-one support offering to assist bereaved parents in their healing journey and to help them connect with their departed child.

If this resonates with you, let’s have a chat to explore whether this is the right fit for you.

Learn more and connect with me HERE.

I am here to serve you with compassion and understanding.

Subscribe to this blog by clicking the link below:

The Gift of Grief

Grief is a powerful force.

It can strike when you least expect it, sweeping in like a tidal wave, leaving you feeling overwhelmed and unsure of how to navigate its depths.

In my own journey of grief after the loss of my son, Cory, I came to understand that grief is a reflection of love—a testament to the depth of our connections.

However, grief is not confined to a single event. When a tragedy occurs, such as the death of a loved one, it often unearths unprocessed grief from past experiences, making it all the more challenging to cope.

During my darkest moments, I learned to honor my feelings, allowing myself to experience the full spectrum of my emotions—no matter how intense they were.

Thankfully, I felt my son Cory guiding me from the other side, illuminating my path through the murky waters of grief.

Through this journey, I discovered a simple and graceful way to heal.

I learned that even in the depths of despair, there exists a profound intelligence—a light of deep love—waiting to be uncovered.

Having traversed this difficult path and emerged on the other side, I am deeply committed to helping others navigate their own grief journeys.

One of the hardest aspects of processing grief, especially after losing a child, is the silence that often surrounds it.

Many people don’t know what to say, and as a result, they may avoid reaching out, leaving you to face this painful experience alone.

I know how isolating this can feel.

No one should have to walk this journey in solitude.

I would have cherished the support of someone who had walked this path before me and emerged on the other side, ready to guide me through the experience.

That’s exactly why I created the Healing Hearts Support Program— to offer the one-on-one support and guidance that I desperately needed.

_________________________________

In addition, I’ve developed a comprehensive support document filled with valuable information to assist you as you navigate this healing process. You can access it here:

Healing Hearts Support Document

_________________________

Join Our Free Support Group for Bereaved Parents

You are not alone. I invite you to join our free support group, where you can connect with other bereaved parents who understand your pain. Together, we can foster healing, share resources, and create a supportive community.

Click HERE to sign up.

____________________________

If this resonates with you, I invite you to reach out HERE to schedule a free phone call to explore whether this program is the right fit for you.

You can also visit my website:

 HealingHeartsSupport.com

I am here to serve you with compassion and understanding.

Subscribe to this blog by clicking the link below:

Nobody Did Me Wrong

Nobody forced me to be in relationships with them.

I chose each and every experience in my life.

My soul knew how to create situations to get me in touch with all the beautiful parts of myself that want to be loved here now.

I AM learning how to take responsibility for myself, and to make decisions that are in my best interest.

So long as I blame and expect from others, I give others the power to make me happy or sad.

It never was about the other.

It was always about my opportunity to love myself more.

The next time my mind wants to loop around about how unfair I was treated…

I will gently remind myself that experience was important to bring me back to myself.

There’s nothing wrong.

Everything is in process as it’s meant to be.

Everything’s always working in my favor.

I choose forgiveness.

I choose gratitude.

I choose freedom. ❤️